HOUSE RULE NUMBER ONE

Dear Mummy,

I'm writing to you to express my disappointment and pure frustration about a very serious issue that has arisen. ‘House Rule Number One’ is being severely breached.   This matter needs to be brought to your attention and resolved immediately.  I firmly suggest a family meeting is assembled to address this blatant disregard of the house rules.

Everyone, including you Mummy, appears to have conveniently forgotten 'House Rule Number One' and we must assure that we’re all on the same page so that this travesty does not continue.  As certain family members, namely Linc, continue to show disrespect for this rule and its guidelines, I have outlined these below.

To be clear and to reiterate:  House Rule Number One:

EVERYTHING IS MINE!!

I have decided that this rule obviously needs to be explained so that there are no further discrepancies or inconsistencies. 

Examples of things that are MINE include, but not limited to …
1.   Dipping Sauce – No one is to dip into my tomato sauce, use the bottle or go anywhere near it.
2.   MY Toys – Linc does not have permission to touch, play with, sniff, lick, go near or even look at any of my toys.
3.   Linc’s Toys – There is no such thing.  All toys are MY toys.
4.   Glasses of Wine  -  No, they’re mine too.  This also includes any adult drink or beverage.
5.   All Remote Controls - TV, DVD player, Air-conditioner...
6.   The TV  –  Linc, specifically, is not allowed to go near or touch the on/off button.
7.   TV Shows - Only the ABC2 channel is allowed to be selected.
8.   The dog, both cats, the fish and any other oblivious creature that happens to wander into our residence.
9.   The Washing Machine  -  Nothing is to be placed in this contraption without my prior knowledge.
10.  The Wheelie Bin  -  See Number 9.
11.  Daddy's Socks - These are not to be removed without my assistance.
12.  Food – With the exception of vegetables.
13.  Mummy’s Phone – This is reserved for my games and entertainment only... and the occasional gibberish text message to Mummy's friends.
14.  The Vacuum - All brooms and mops too.
15.  All Birthdays - Not negotiable.
16.  Bath Toys - I will loan these out, for short periods of time, as I deem necessary.
17.  Anything Linc plays with or finds remotely interesting.
18.  Anything Mummy or Daddy have, that they wont let me have.

Everything listed above is MINE.  Anything not included on the list is also MINE.  If it isn't considered MINE, then it is MY job and it's always MY turn.  If it is none of these, then it is simply all about ME.

To clarify, please see the below "A Toddler's Rules of Possession", as they apply here also.

Source:  http://sippycupsandchardonnay.com/?p=2110

 DISCLAIMER:

If any of these rules are broken, I reserve the right to scream uncontrollably.  This may result in puffy red cheeks and eyes, and may provoke big rolling tears.  I also reserve the right to start flinging my body around, whether into a sobbing lump on the floor or to start thrashing about and hollering “MINE” in a repetitive obnoxious fashion.  I am not responsible for the spontaneous actions of my arms or legs.  If little brothers get in the way, then that is their own fault and they should be held liable.  If there is a breach of this contract, do not be surprised if I seek legal action for being forced into that dreaded place you call the “Naughty Corner”.

Mummy, I hope this helps to resolve the continuing conflict and assists in restoring harmony to our household so that we can all just get along … on my terms. 

I look forward to hearing your prompt response about the proposed family meeting.

Love Ollie xoxo