PLAY DOUGH: FAIL

Dear Mummy,

Today when you decided to make some homemade play dough, I became quite excited.  As I'm anticipating the imminent arrival of my little, out of town friend to come and stay with us for the next few days, I concurred that showing off my sculpting abilities would be a perfect way for us to bond.

I must say though Mummy, the end result of what you created was a colossal failure and something that you should never attempt to repeat again.

Although the texture of the play dough was fairly impressive I don't know what you were thinking when you decided on the colour.  You basically concocted a massive lump of camel's dung. Seriously, who makes brown play dough?


According to you, it was originally intended to be a beautiful blue mixture which would have been suitable for three small boys.  Mummy, you know I get my colours confused sometimes, but all joking aside, I know what blue should look like ... and that was not even close.

I think your first mistake was not finding any blue food colouring.  Your second blunder was deciding to become a dodgy scientist.  When you combined yellow with green and it became a horrible sickly lime colour, your patience evaporated.  You then appeared to reason with yourself that by hastily adding red, it would turn a magical purple colour.  Well that theory drowned in a gooey glob of intense murky hues.  Adding more  of green and yellow did not help the situation at all and culminated in that preposterous, unappealing, lump of poo-coloured play dough.

I'm certain you can appreciate why I was not particularly thrilled by this foreign substance.  If anything, I think you should be proud I expressed caution around something like that. Grandma even tried, in vain, to entice me to play with it by making a poo person out of it.

I was not impressed.

Finally, when I worked up the courage to touch it, the mixture was still warm.  I'm still surprised that you and Grandma looked so shocked that I suddenly ran around the house yelling out, "Hot poo! Hot poo!" over and over again.

I'm just glad Linc didn't have to witness this abomination.

Please dispose of the horrible substance immediately.  I recommend the 'full' flush.

Love Ollie xoxo